Don't Let Go
by Dude Lord of Weird
Summary: Remember there's rain and there's candy and Christmasy winter snow." Based on the song "For My Brother" by Blue October.


**Eleven Months Before**

_Warnings for homosexuality and abuse in this chapter._

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**Drake Parker is many things, but he's definitely not an idiot. Well, not a _complete _idiot, at least.

He knows sometimes it seems like his head is somewhere in the clouds, but when it comes to Josh, he does pay attention. Even if Josh didn't know it. And over the years, the signs have just been piling up.

There was the dressing up as Ms Nancy. There was the mad Oprah obsession. There was the fact that Josh actually knew how much you were supposed to put when the recipe called for a pinch of seasoning. There was all the hugging and the _touchy-feely_-ness (that Drake only put up with 'cos it was _Josh_- and there was little he wouldn't do for his step-brother.)

Of course, that's all just "stereotypical gay", and since Drake fancies himself to be a rather tolerant and open-minded person, he never actually counted it against him.

But, even if he had wanted to, he simply couldn't deny it after the incident. Drake had been running out the door in a hurry; he had made it half-way to the theater to meet what's-her-face when he realized he left his wallet on his bed. So, figuring that being casually late was better than being completely broke, he had turned the car around and rushed back to his room, only to see Josh sitting on the couch with some guy. Might have been innocent enough if they hadn't been tangled in one of the hottest liplocks that Drake had ever seen, gay or straight.

Drake had borrowed money from his Mom that night. Josh had never found out.

The point is, Drake has always known that Josh is gay. And he's always been waiting for the day when his brother finally decides to let him know it.

So when Josh approaches him, all nervous and stammering, Drake's pretty sure he knows what this is about. And he's pretty damn excited for this moment. Hell, he's looked it up on _Google_, how to ease the whole coming out of the closet stuff- he is 110% prepared to make this relatively painless and not-so-humiliating.

"Drake- look, bro, I need to talk to you-"

He clicks off the TV and turns to his brother, carefully arranging his features in a neutral expression.

"Okay?"

"Drake, I know...I mean, I understand if this changes how things are with us, and if it takes you some time to- uh- well, to get used to it. But I'm sick of hiding who I am, and I just can't do it anymore. The truth is, Drake, I-" Josh swallows and takes a deep breath. "I'm gay."

Clearly Josh had been expecting many things. Probably yelling, punching, disowning...something along those lines. But the look of complete and utter shock on his face proves that this is the last thing he would have ever expected.

Drake just shrugs. "Alright."

_"What?"_

"Josh, you're my brother. I don't care if you're gay, bi, whatever. You're still my brother. That doesn't change."

Josh looks a little a more reassured, but he still seems a little lost. He had obviously been preparing himself for a huge fallout; he never bothered considering things going well. Especially not _this _well.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I just- I guess I was kind of freaked out, too. I mean, I was all confused, and I was scared that you would hate me. I mean- you're the first person I've ever told-"

"I am?" Now this surprised Drake a little bit. Although he had never anticipated being the last person to officially know, he definitely hadn't thought he'd be the first. Well, minus that one boy that Josh had over that night, but something tells Drake that he shouldn't mention that.

Josh shakes his head. "I just don't want to hide anymore. I'm sick of having to act like I'm into girls, I hate that I can't just have a relationship like a normal person- I hate it! I can't tell you how many times I wished I was more like you, and I tried to be more like you, and I'm just sick of pretending!"

"Then it's a good thing you don't have to pretend anymore."

"But that's the thing, Drake- I do! I can't just go out in the world and just be myself!"

"Why not?"

"For the same reason I couldn't tell you- dammit, I don't know what fantasy world you live in, but I really wish I could move there sometimes! I mean, people- they don't always-" He breaks off, slouching into his desk chair and burying his face into his hands.

Drake sighs. "I know it's hard, Josh. I mean...this doesn't leave this room, alright?" Josh doesn't emerge from his hands, but Drake hears his mumbled assent anyway. "My Mom left my Dad because he abused me. Sexually."

And Josh's hands fall from his face. "I-I never knew," he whispered.

"No one but my Mom, Dad, and Walter know. That's why this doesn't leave this room. But I had to go to social services and testify in court...it was all really lame. The point is, people looked at me different, too. Because my Dad fucked me."

"That wasn't your fault!"

"Neither is being gay, Josh. The point is, I did what I had to do to get my Dad locked up."

"Drake...that's terrible, and I'm sorry it happened to you, but...that's not the same as being gay."

"No, it's not. But you do _something_, let people see you differently, and watch the world change."

"I don't get it."

"Josh. I did what I did for a reason. You have to do what you need to do for this reason; to be happy." Drake shakes his head. "Don't worry. Just...promise me you won't pretend forever."

Josh grins and moves to take the seat next to his brother. Drake doesn't shift away from him when he sits down next to him, and he doesn't look at him differently.

He's still Josh to Drake.

"You're really okay with this?

"Hey, just remember- bros before...well, other bros."

Josh smiles.

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_Yes, it all will come together in the end. For now, please review and let me know what you think!_


End file.
